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If any of you ever get a chance to spend 40 days with a hot, Argentinean guy…by all means say YES! 

Now, the rational women out there might be thinking – huh?!?  Why would I want to knowingly participate in such a short lived romance with no future? 

Well, let’s see.  I met a gorgeous guy in Brooklyn (where all the hot guys are…or are from) and we had great chemistry. I find out that he’s been here 16 months, lives 2 blocks away from me, and is moving to Madrid. Hmmmm. Somehow, this info didn’t deter, but intrigued. I wanted to dive in. Literally. Head first. (or second… ;) )

On our first date we did the math, and realized we had exactly 40 days.

OK…here’s the thing. I believe we all live (sadly) by self imposed rules and constructs, especially around dating. Well, my (female) friends, it’s truly freeing to not care about how long one should wait to say – or do – this, that and the other thing. Especially the other thing.  

Reading about “letting go” and “living in the moment” and actually DOING it are two entirely different things…because reading about it is boring.  We wined, dined, walked, talked, and many other things I won’t mention because my Dad reads this blog. 

What made it so fun and liberating is that neither of us had any interest in a future.  That may sound cold, but reality often is.  We were interested in the present.  Well, I was interested in his great hair and sexy accent and he was interested in ending his New York experience with an experienced New Yorker.   And in the space of 40 days, we accomplished a very sweet, intense and ultimately satisfying relationship.  Kind of like a good glass of Malbec.  

Now, of course, this relationship-ette wasn’t all kisses and Cortázar, we hit a couple bumps.  The 2 most notable – when he found out I walk 20 blocks to take the 4/5 and avoid the F train.  He went ballistic.  He passionately defended the F train and declared it The Best Train In The World.  WTF???  No one likes the F train!!  They have entire websites dedicated to how shitty it is.  And on we argued.  Another time was when we got together and I forced  my…umm…agenda on him. He loudly complained “oh my God…you’re too aggressive!  Too horny!  Too……American!!!”  HAHAHA!!  Seriously, I have never been more proud of my nationality.  Yeah baby!!

Interestingly, his grasp of the English language kind of ebbed and flowed.  While he had trouble with prepositions and told me on a Saturday night that he had spent the day “walking on the sun” he surprisingly had no trouble at all with big words that led to seduction.  While packing up his furniture he emailed me “first, I disassemble my armoire, then…I  come over and disassemble you.”  OK, how can he not get in/on…yet understand disassemble?!?!

Back to the point of this story.  Because of circumstance I broke out of some habitual patterns that probably weren’t doing much for me.  The outcome was wonderful and I learned some valuable lessons.  So, I ask you this.  Why don’t we approach ALL relationships – especially the ones we want to have for 40 years, as though we only had 40 days?  I guarantee you will rethink the games, the drama, the hope, the fear, the manipulations and the misery.  If you ONLY HAD 40 DAYS, how would you spend it with your significant someone?   

As for you, 40 Days, mi dios babe.  Thanks for the gorgeous memories.  And I look forward to our rendezvous in Paris this summer.  I suggest you start resting up now…broad stripes and bright stars can be a lot to handle. ;-)

XXX,

SCB

17 Comments

  1. Holy moly!! I never got to spend 40 days with a hot argentinian guy so i can’t relate but that was a good read! haha…and your dad reads this too? hehehe Hi Dad! :-) Anyway, thanks for sharing your wild side with us!

    We ought to remember that life is like a half full/ half empty glass of Malbec, focus on the full part which is abundance and you’ll get more of that. Focus on the empty part which is lack and you’ll get more of that. I love your ‘seize the day’ philosophy! That’s what it’s all about!

  2. Thanks Zen! This posting was a big departure for me – no photos, lots of copy, and revealing personal info. I like it! Now hand me my camera… :-)

    • Johnny Bravo (my field name- initials are the same)
    • Posted December 8, 2007 at 12:00 am
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    well, i can see now why you get 5000 hits. =-P

    one time, i was on a ship and met a woman who would become my 2nd wife one day. before that realization set in, we were both talking about the crappy relationships we were both in and i said to her, “if nothing else happens than we help each other get out of our crappy relationships, then it will have been enough”. sure enough, that happened. and sure enough, our time together on the ship (we were in Antarctica) ended and i had to wave goodbye to her as she left for the aeropuerto in Buenos Aires. it was a hard thing to do to accept the fact that i still had to circumnavigate Antarctica, wrap up work in New Zealand, Australia and Africa before I would see her again. But the time passed, and 5 months, 1 week, 4 days and one weird African divorce later (in which my soon to be ex had to help me pick out my divorce tie in some stall- to the amazement of the divorce attorneys in tow), we were reunited. So yes, awareness of our short time together- whether 40 days or 40 years- keeps the sense sharp. Also, remember, if you are ever arguing about something that isn’t all that significant, that soon will come the time when you are praying for even 5 more minutes together.

    Ciao for now- thanks for sharing.

    Bravo Out

  3. Thanks for sharing your story Johnny Bravo! We have a lot in common. And by the way, I obtained those 5000 hits posting about flowers and meatballs! This post is a true departure for the shy and reserved SCB ;-)

    • KK
    • Posted December 8, 2007 at 12:58 am
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    A very refreshing read indeed, SCB! And yes, quite a departure….congratulations! We all have too many filters and screens to the extent that sometimes this bars us from enjoyment and new experiences. I have found that my most positive experiences involved spontaneity and no expectations. Ah, what the dogs can teach us….that is how they live and respond….by and for the moment….

    • mike
    • Posted December 8, 2007 at 10:25 am
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    Wow, that really warmed me up on a cold day! LOL

    • Jeremy
    • Posted December 8, 2007 at 12:54 pm
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    Now you’re talking. Or at least, writing.

    Seems to me that life is not some planned out methodically followed path to the big kahuna but a random sequence of missteps and judgment calls and none of it has long lasting consequence unless you are tied to the past. If you listen to what your conscience and instinct say you’ll live the life that is right for you and your loved ones.

    I think looking back we say first we did this and then we did that and that is why we ended here. But truth is it’s all random and the ending is never fixed before you reach it. So then what’s stopping you from trying a new path. See if it improves your world and if it does then repeat. If it doesn’t learn from it and don’t repeat.

    SCB, you are on a great path and the more you act instinctively the more your world will grow. I have a feeling the Brooklyn may be just a way station as you push forward.

    Lots of love and thanks for sharing a little bit of your world with us.

    Jeremy.

  4. KK – agreed – dogs are smarter/happier than people! :-)

    Mike – glad I could warm you up! ;-)

    Jeremy – thank YOU for sharing your philsophy with us…funny how people in my life and cyber-life think simarly and may not know it – if this provides a forum for revealing it then I’m happy! :-)

    • Mike Huckabee
    • Posted December 8, 2007 at 7:32 pm
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    Wow, nice post. Please provide a video so your readers can better understand the ins and, um, outs of the 40 days. Thanks.

  5. Mike! Sure thing…if you make it into office I’ll send a bunch of stuff for you to look at…you won’t be disappointed! ;-)

    • Nicole
    • Posted December 10, 2007 at 11:19 am
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    Cookie….

    You are right!! If we all respected the relationships that we want to last forever as if they would only last 40 days, we would be much less likely to become bored and complacent.

    The delusion of permanance morphs our thinking that we are somehow guaranteed or even STUCK in them forever. That misguided self-assurance eventually evolves into a loss of interest, a lack of intrique, and a lifeless romance.

    As a long time proponent of traditional monogamy (what is boring to some) this hopeless romantic happens to be married to another hopeless romatic. Lucky for us, we both have experienced just enough joys and heartaches to make us live like every day is 39.

    Good for you cookie! Everyone needs to experience a 40 day romance!!!!!

    • ldiva1
    • Posted December 13, 2007 at 1:17 am
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    You make me proud to be an American, SCB!!

    Interestingly, you had 40 days to live in the moment, for the sake of the experience, and move on as distance would ultimately separate you two. Yet in doing so, you forged a real connection (devoid of games and rules)… and now 40 days will extend to a week more in Paris this summer??

    Hmmmm. Maybe living like there is no tomorrow lays the foundation for a potential real future????

  6. hey sugar cookie just wondering if you fell in love with the guy in 40 days. i’m a hopeless romantic and hoping that you did. you inspire me to have an adventure with my own latin lover if i can find one. do u think you have a future together and he may come back. would love to see some pics of this hot guy he sounds adorable.
    have a great holiday
    carol from bayridge

  7. Nicole – thanks for the note, you have an enviable marriage!

    LDiva – great point! Maybe we’re all so caught up in “planning” that we plan ourselves right out of a future…interesting!

    carol – no, I didn’t fall in love with him, but I did fall in lust! I’m pretty sure there are hot guys in Bay Ridge if you look around! Happy holidays to you as well, and thanks for visiting! :-)

  8. SBC, i can see you have inspired some women to have adventures with hot latin lovers. You deserve a Pulitzer prize for this post! You have my vote! hahaha

    • You know who
    • Posted January 1, 2008 at 11:44 am
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    Damn those steamy Latinoes! Make us normal guys look even worse. Sweet for you, SCB.

    • Trip
    • Posted January 5, 2008 at 7:00 pm
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    SCB – just read about your 40 Days experience… steee-mee!

    I really love that this titillating whirlwind of a romantic romp opened up a true appreciation for what’s important in life (and love). I think we all neglect living in the moment and should take a page from your experience and realize that sometimes the only thing we really need is a simple walk on the sun..
    :-)


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